The Difference Between You and Me
by MotherNight92
Summary: Kagamine Len is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". He's so afraid for people to know what's wrong with him. He doesn't want people to realise he's not like other guys. [Warning: BL]
1. Kagamine Len

**Main Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **Foremost this is BL aka Boys Love aka **Yaoi**. Don't like, don't read. Also! Len _and_ Rin in this story are both **Transsexual**. If you don't like that, that's fine; but it might be wise not to read this story. Besides that, there is sex in this story (how many scenes, I don't know lol) so yes, this is M18! As far as any other warnings go, I don't know. I'll add more if any arise!

**Author's Notes: **I am dyslexic. If there is something wrong (something doesn't make sense or wrong words used), I can't help this. I'm doing the best I can, so please bear with me. If you do notice something, don't be afraid to let me know. I do re-read everything I write, but that's the best I can do. Sorry! Also, I am a student and on prac, so I may not have much time to write & upload, but I will try!

This is my second Kaito x Len story, so I hope you enjoy ;) I was kinda nervous uploading this, but I hope you all like it. The title is still a work-in-progress, so mind it :P

* * *

**Chapter One**

"I can't believe I've done it again," a quiet voiced echoed against the shower walls, almost muted under the spray of water. Curled up in a ball, the water gently patting along his back, a young blonde hair boy, Kagamine Len, mumbled a multiple of curses under his breath, feeling a little embarrassed in himself. He couldn't help but stare down ate his red hands, wondering if people were beginning to notice his unusual behaviour. In middle school, he'd gotten out of sports merely by a whim, but since entering high school, he didn't have the luxury. What was he to do expect leave a little bit earlier, shower and be dressed before the guys return from the field or wherever they were playing sport.

The problem was that Len was ashamed of his body. He was _different_. The problem was Len was born with female gentiles. He was even ashamed to think of the world they used to describe people like him. He knew he shouldn't be, but he didn't know how else to think. Everyone who knew about it, treated him as if he wasn't _worthy_ of anything. His parents were a constant reminder that he was "imperfect" and would never be "perfect". They told him often enough that no one would want him, and because of this, he felt weak and useless.

He should have blocked them out, but he grew up with it. Though he was never really neglected (they weren't _that_ cruel), they never really seemed to care about him. He was just a smudge on their name, and spent their whole lives trying to hide what was wrong with him. It had been so badly burnt into him to hide his true self that even now, he couldn't bear to have people know. It was just a dark secret that would burden him for life.

"I just want to be normal," Len whispered as he clenched his hands, trying not to cry again. If he didn't hurry up, the boys would return and then he'd been in trouble. After a minute, Len reached up to turn the taps off when he heard to door open and voices fill the room next door. _Shit_, he took too long! At least the steam would hide him, but he knew he would not be able to leave the shower until they were in the stalls and creating more steam with the water.

The door that opened into the shower room clicked and swung wide open, the hall filling with rowdy boys. Some people made comments about Len still being here, since he was normally completely dressed and almost out the door. One guy even went as far as to questioning why when he yelped. Len turned briefly to the voices, hearing the guy whine.

"Shion, what was that for?"

"Stop picking on him," the voice retorted before he heard a noise at his stall. "Are you alright, Len?" the voice asked.

Len nodded, staring at the floor. "I'm fine…"

"Are you sure, I mean, you're crouched down there and all."

Len laughed weakly. "I really am fine." There was a brief silence between them before he heard the other pull away from the stall door to yell at some of the guys. Clenching his eyes closed, Len prayed they were all in the stalls as he reached up and turned the shower off. He didn't check when he stepped out, wrapping the towel around his waist. He hoped he could move fast enough to get out of them.

"Len?"

Jumping, Len turned slightly towards the voice, staring at the grinning boy down the other end. "Y-Yes?"

"Good job today," Shion-senpai said brightly, beaming his contagious smile down at him.

Len smiled weakly at him before bolting from the room. He felt his face begin to flush as he moved towards his lockers. He wouldn't lie, but Shion-senpai somehow always made Len feel better. Shion-senpai was meant to be in the grade above, but he was sick for some time, and was held back to repeat his first year of high school. Because of that, he'd become a mentor for their year level, being slightly older and mature than the freshmen's. He was also the only one who acknowledged Len's efforts to fit in. Though he didn't know the reason, and had speculated out loud once before that Len hadn't participated in sport for health reason, he still constantly told Len he was doing a good job.

Secretly, Len had begun to fall for Shion-senpai. He knew he shouldn't, but sometimes things just happened like that. Despite everything, he did secretly pray that one day Shion-senpai could, and would return those feelings. For now, he would remain silent and continue to live the way he was; silent and broken.

* * *

Len had barely stepped in the door when he was met with disaster. "Dear god, Rin! Put a towel around you!" Len cried, slamming the apartment door shut and racing to his little sister at the end of the hallway. Rin was barely six year old, and though she was home before him and had bathed, she was still unable to dress herself without crying. Grabbing the discarded towel, he wrapped it around her waist, trying not to look into her teary eyes. Rin was no different from Len, having been born with male gentiles. Once Len had seen her, he'd argued with his mother about the situation.

_"Why the hell didn't you ask for the operation? Why are you punishing Rin like this? You can have this fixed and give her a normal life!"_

_"Why should I waste my money on you freaks?!"_

Len had cried for weeks after that. Rin, a little infant, would never understand the dark look in her parent's eyes. Unlike Len, however, she wasn't alone. He'd taken good care of her, and despite arguing constantly with his parents, he put her happiness before his own. She was too young to understand just yet what life was going to offer. When Len turned thirteen, he took Rin and moved into an apartment away from them. His parents paid for the place, and their only bargain in it was that they were never to come home. They got money when they needed it, so that was fine. Only recently Len had gotten a part time job, and hoped to god that no one at school found out. It was against school policy to have a job, but their parents had slacked off with money and they still had to feed themselves somehow.

"Why am I weird, nii-san?" Rin whimpered, clutching onto Len.

"You're not weird, Rin," Len soothed, cuddling her close. "You're perfect the way you are, and nii-san loved you lots."

"Really?"

"Really, really," Len smiled, leaning back to look her in the eye. Poking her nose, he grinned and picked her up into his arms. "Now, let's get you dressed and then we can make dinner."

"Dinner!"

Len eventually got her into her warm PJ's and then began making their food. Once they both ate, they cuddled up on the couch, watching cartoons until Rin fell asleep. Once she was in bed, he settled down at the kitchen table to do his homework. It was going to be just another long night.

* * *

**A/N:** So, Chapter One is pretty short. Sorry about that, but it is the introduction to the story. And no, I don't think transsexualism is a joke. Just in case some people think that, I don't take it as a joke.


	2. Shion Kaito

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL aka Boys Love aka Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut.

**A/N: **So, welcome to chapter two. I'm currently in the middle of prac, which is exhausting. Who would have thought taking care of little babies was hard? So many nappies changed, beds made, bottles prepared, noses blown and cuddles after tears. Back is dead, legs swollen, knees bruised, hands throbbing... and I still have two... more... days...

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Shion Kaito wasn't really the most popular guy around. Maybe amongst the first years, but nowhere else. He had this air around him that made people relax, and had an uncanny habit of flashing that contagious smile of his whenever he looked at someone. It was probably why Len liked him so much, yet despite all that he never really had the guts to walk over and say hi. The only interaction they had was after P.E, where Shion-senpai praised him for trying hard. Otherwise, Shion-senpai was out in the front row seat, chatting to his friends that walked over at the beginning of class. Len, being the loner he was, sat at the far back, close to the door so he could escape quickly if he needed to.

Still, today was one of those unusual days where the roster was called out, and Len found out he had after class duties… with Shion-senpai. _All week_. Of course, there were a few complaints about it, something about Shion-senpai was having a party one afternoon for some reason, however, and Shion-senpai told them it'll work out. Of course, Len was too focused on his own thoughts rather than what was going on in the classroom, so much that he missed the glance Shion-senpai gave him by mere seconds.

Class continued on, and as lunch break came around, Len bolted from the room to find his only _true _friend to tell him the good news.

* * *

"Hmm, so you and Shion-san are on duty this week?"

Len sat in front of a senior, who happened to be his close friend and fellow secret keeper. He'd stumbled across the "truth" by mere accident when he came around to introduce himself. Kamui Gakupo-senpai happened to live down the hall from his apartment. Though he was only there half the time (sometimes he returned home while others he worked with his father at the shop, though Kamui-senpai never told him _what shop_); so it had been about a week before he came over to introduce himself. It had been a horrible start, with Len trying to get Rin in the shower. Considering Len had never owned a place on his own and never really had such responsibilities before, he hadn't noticed the front door was open and slightly ajar.

_It could have been worse_, Len told himself. Kamui-senpai had been composed, never spoke one word about Len's or Rin's body, but instead offered to help Len get her showered and into bed. They talked for a while afterwards, where Kamui-senpai found out Len was about to attend his high school. Since then, if Len ran into trouble or had work (which school _actually_ allowed as Len was a special case because of his situation) Kamui-senpai would take care of Rin. It worked most of the time, but if Kamui-senpai couldn't, normally his mother would pop over until either of them got back.

It was strange, actually; Kamui-senpai's mother also knew, yet she treated them as if they were just normal children. It had been so surreal, considering the family they'd come from. Sometimes, Len had to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming it.

"So is this why you look ready to jump off the walls?" he asked, a slight grin on his pale lips.

Len nodded enthusiastically. "This will be the first time I talk to him _without_ his crew being with him, senpai! It's just what I needed to speak to him."

"I don't see why you've had trouble so far," Gakupo shrugged, taking a sip from his juice bottle. "He's an easy-going guy to speak to, and just because he has heaps of friends doesn't change him at all."

"It's not _him_, it's his friends! He's never alone, _never_. I just can't wander over there, it's too crowded and dangerous."

Gakupo laughed. "It's not dangerous, Len. You're just intimidated by them. After all, you are pretty short."

Len stuck his tongue out at him. "I'm not _that_ short!"

"Short enough," Gakupo chuckled, watching Len as he sulked. "Alright, I'm sorry. It doesn't change the situation that you are intimidated by them. They're all pretty territorial of Shion-kun. However, that's the type of people they are. Close nit; if someone has a problem, it's their problem as well. Besides, they all what Shion-kun to be happy. After last year, he needs all the support he can get."

Len sat there, chewing his bottom lip. To be honest, he didn't know what happened last year. He never wanted to ask, simply because it was rude. Besides, if Shion-senpai wanted him to know, he would have said something… right?

"Is it bothering you, not knowing?" Gakupo guessed his thoughts. "It's pretty common knowledge in the school."

"I know… but I haven't heard the story."

"Hmm… maybe he's better asking than I. I only know bits and pieces of it myself."

All people actually knew was one day, early last year, Shion-senpai never attended class. It had been spoke at the assembly the next day he's collapsed and was rushed to hospital… where he stayed for the rest of the year. That was all Len actually knew, but even with that, it was like not knowing at all. Before Len spoke up again, the bells chimed, prompting a groan from the too. "It didn't feel that long."

"That was my fault, since I was talking to sensei," Gakupo ruffled Len's hair before he stood up, stretching his longs arms up into the sky. He let out a loud yawn as he did. "Anyways, a few more hours then we're home free… which reminds me, do you have work tonight, or do you intend to be home?"

Len gave it a moment's thought. "I might be late."

"Alright, I'll pick Rin up and stay with her until you get home," he replied before waving goodbye, heading off before Len. Gakupo didn't care if people knew they were friends, but for Len it was still a touchy subject. It was best people just _didn't_ know. How would he explain it to them anyways?

* * *

Len wasn't sure on _what_ to say.

Class was just dismissed and both were going through the day's work, making sure everyone had handed up the appropriate papers and assignments for each class; carefully signing off the people who had submitted and those who hadn't. Next, they'd have to make sure the floor was clean and the chairs on the tables. The board needed to be cleaned as well the erasers. Once done, they were home free.**[1]** Of course, that didn't change the fact that they hadn't started talking _now_. Sure, they had all that time, but they should say-

"Hey, Len?"

"Y-YES!" Len cried, jumping a little. Shion-senpai gave him a strange look, chuckled and carried on as if it never happened.

"What are you doing Saturday?"

Well, he had nothing exactly planned for the weekend. Knowing him, he'd probably shut himself away at home and play games all day, or do his homework. "Why?" Len asked nervously.

"Were you paying attention in class today?"

Len blushed and shook his head.

"Didn't think so," Shion-senpai chuckled, finishing off his stack of paper. He stood up and stretched. "I'm having a party Saturday, in celebration of being cancer-free."

Len tensed, sat there and stared. "…Cancer?"

Shion-senpai nodded, giving him a somber look. "I was diagnosed with cancer about four years ago. I'm now finally cancer-free."

"That… was why you were hospitalized last year?"

"Yeah, thing went nasty last year. Too many scares, too many times the doctors said don't expect to see yourself turn eighteen. Yeah, it was pretty scary, but I showed them guys!" Shion-senpai turned, grinning at Len. "I fainted at school last year, you know. I felt really strange and there was so much pain I just collapsed. They rushed me to hospital, and I swear I didn't go outside for the rest of the year. I didn't have time to study, there were always tests and stuff going on that I felt uneasy coming back. I'm a year older than all of you, but I'm surprised how well I've managed to fit it," Shion-senpai's eyes saddened, and he looked away. "I was just like you, you know."

_I highly doubt that,_ Len thought, but didn't say anything. He just let Shion-senpai continue.

"I didn't make friends when I entered high school. I thought along the lines that if I made friends, in months' time, they'd mourn me. I was scared of that happening, and I let that fear get the best of me. It was probably why I collapsed in the end." He went silent for a moment. "Every time I see you, I can't help but think what's holding you back. Why you're scared to integrate." He looked at Len from over his shoulder. "That's why you remind me of myself."

Len looked away, closing his eyes. He wasn't ready to admit anything to Shion-senpai just yet.

"Anyways, what you doing after class?" Len jumped, realising that Shion-senpai was now right in front of him, grinning brightly.

"W-Why?"

"Wanna get something to eat and talk about things. I've gotta find good damn reasons to convince you to come to my party, right?" He winked, giving Len a mischievous smile.

* * *

**[1]** "At the end of the academic day, all students participate in _o soji_, the cleaning of the school. They sweep the classrooms and the hallways, empty trash cans, clean restrooms, clean chalkboards and chalk erasers, and pick up trash from the school grounds. After _o soji_, school is dismissed and most students disperse to different parts of the school for club meetings." (quote from Stanford Program on International and Cross-Cultural Education)

**A/N:** There originally was going to be another part to this chapter after that last scene about what they discuss, but it was boring, unrelated and unnecessary. There is no development either, so I felt it wasn't worth putting it in. Plus, it was literally _boring _hahaha


	3. Embarrassing Dreams

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL aka Boys Love aka Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut.

**A/N: **So... I was doing some research on personality disorders for an assignment when I read up about a disorder called "Avoidant Personality Disorder". The minute I saw that I was like, OH WOW, that's Len! The short summary wiki gave was: "_Hesitant, self-conscious, embarrassed, and anxious. Tense in social situations due to fear of rejection. Plagued by constant performance anxiety. Sees self as inept, inferior, or unappealing. Feels alone and empty."_ Doesn't that sound exactly like Len in this story? Anyways, it surprised me a little! Also! This chapter isn't a full-blown smut scene, why? Well, read and find out ;)

* * *

**Chapter Three**

It was strange, this whole thing. Len had just left the field to go have his shower when he felt… odd. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he glanced backwards to the group of guys still hanging around, laughing with the girls, and found his eyes connected straight to Shion-senpai's. Blushing, Len turned away and dashed off into the locker room, silently begging his heart to stop pounding. If people had been close by, they probably could have heard it thumping in his chest. He wouldn't think about that now. He had things to do, and he'd have to meet up with Gakupo to tell him how their afternoon went. There were so many things to talk about, particularly what was discussed. Len still couldn't _believe_ Shion-senpai had invited _him_ to his pool party.

_HIM!_

"Stop thinking about it," Len muttered as he began to strip his clothes off. As he did, he ran his hands slowly down his exposed body. His fingers caressed the smooth skin that was clean of all injuries yet not clean of blemishes. He could count every last freckle, name when they first appeared and how long they'd been there. He wasn't covered in them, but they were there. Hard to see unless one saw his body up close. He wondered if there were any other's he couldn't see, like on his back, or on his buttock. Maybe there were some, but he wouldn't know unless someone told him.

"You're wasting time"! Len snapped at himself as he went to grab his towel from his bag. "They won't be long, so you need to get a move on!" his hands rummaged through his bag, pulling the clean white towel out. It was so nice and soft; almost like a bunch of feathers or cotton balls stuck onto a sheet. It caused shivers on his skin whenever he ran its contents over his flesh, and just thinking about it gave him Goosebumps.

"Hurry up!" he snapped at himself, turning around to move on but came to an immediate halt. He'd not heard the door open, and considering it was bloody heavy and creaked as if its hinges were rusty, he'd not heard a damn thing. Of course, the person standing before him wasn't really looking at him… they were looking.

All of a sudden his vision blurred and the next thing he knew he was plummeting towards the ground. He should have expected a heavy landing, but someone caught him, keeping him from getting hurt. For a long moment, Len stood there, trying to steady himself. His breathing was out of control; _clearly_ hyperventilating! He couldn't see anything, and his throat were screaming in pain. Yet, he kept hearing this quiet voice, calling his name.

Finally, after what felt like forever, his eyes readjusted themselves, his mind slowly focused on the present and realised he was staring up into a very worried Shion-senpai. He was saying something, but nothing seemed to get through to him. This was too much, too painful. He never wanted someone to find out. No like this, _never_ like this. It had happened once before, but it should not have happened again.

"Len!"

"…Yes?" Len whispered, finally about to catch up with Shion's voice.

"Are you ok?"

"…No…" Len admitted in a quiet voice. "I-I… Let go…"

"Do you think you can even stand on those legs?"

He had realised how viciously shocked he was; his legs were vibrating from the rapid shaking they were doing. However, it didn't take him any longer to realise they were shaking from the shock. He felt humiliated. "…Please… let me go…" Len whispered. Never mind the fact that he actually did like being in this embrace, and would have liked it more if the circumstances were different.

"I can't. You're trembling-"

"Please let me go!" Len cried, mustering whatever stretch he had to shove Shion off of him and bolt down into the shower room. He choose a stall out of random and hid inside, but didn't bother to lock it since it was easy enough to reach over the low door and unlock it anyways. Instead, he pressed his back against it, preventing it from being opened. There was a few seconds of silences, where only Len's breathing filled to room, and then the main door creaked open and someone moved into the room. The door shut so silently behind them, that if Len hadn't caught the click of it slide back in, he probably would have assumed it never closed at all.

"Len… come out… it's ok to be embarrassed."

"Embarrassed!" Len cried loudly. "I'm not embarrassed, I'm _ashamed_ of this body. I'm terrified of what people will say, because it's abnormal."

"It's not abnormal," Shion retorted. "No one ever said it was abnormal."

"You clearly don't follow any type of news then," Len muttered as Shion continued.

"Besides, who says anything about a man's body being normal? As far as science goes, they claim a man penis is just an inside out uterus… I think… it's been a while since it was last mentioned. Maybe it wasn't the uterus."

Len realised that he'd laughed. Bitterly, but at least he laughed. "What would you know?"

"Well… obviously nothing about the reproductive system, that's for sure," Shion muttered. "Len, come on. I'm not going to freak out over something like this."

"Other people do… my mother did."

"Then you're mother is a retard," Shion commented. "A mother should love their child no matter what."

"Sometimes, senpai, mothers don't. Sometimes a mother doesn't want their child because there's something wrong with it. Sometimes they abort their child because they were idiots and got pregnant; all because they didn't get their partner to wear a condom."

"Well, condoms don't always work. I mean, hell, if they worked a hundred percent of the time, **I** wouldn't be here."

Len went silent, just silent. "…You were an accident?"

"Tragically, I was. At least my parents were happy enough to keep me. Though _that's_ an embarrassing story they like to bring up." Len could hear the grin in Shion's voice, and realised he was smiling too. That was pretty silly, but still. The smile dropped, Len went back to moping. "Len?" He heard Shion put his hands on the stall door and knew Shion was looking down at him. "Let me in."

"I…"

He what? What did he want? He felt a hand reach out, brushing the side of his neck, tangling into the hair. "Len…" Shion's voice came in an excited purr. In a spur of panic, he jumped forward; no longer protecting the stall door. Before he could catch up with reality, he was pressed against the shower wall, lips pressing down on his neck while another hand began to caress his skin. Len felt his breath hitch, and went to push away when he was spun around and pinned against the wall. His vision blackened with the impact, but his ears caught the sound of the water turning on. When his eyes began to regain focus, he found himself looking away from Shion's heated eyes. What… what was going on here? This was all too… surreal. This couldn't be happening, right? I-Impossible! "Len, look at me," Shion's voice was hot, making Len's legs tremble.

"I…I…"

Shion laughed in his ear, running his fingers over Len's bare chest. "I guess if you won't look at me, I'll just have to make you, now won't I?" He purred before biting down on Len's ear, making his squeak. It didn't hurt, just surprised him. "Len…" he moaned, pressing his body right up against. "Len… look at me…"

Len swallowed his gasp down, not wanting to give in. Was the water really that hot? He felt as if his body had been lit alight. He moved his arms towards Shion, wanting to pushing him away, but the action brought their bodies closer, and the action caused him to grasp onto Shion's shoulders, holding their bodies together. It was only then did he realise the water was hot… it was freezing cold. "S-Sen…pai…?"

"Yes?"

"I…You need to get off me," Len spoke, feeling his voice losing the battle. No, they needed to separate! "The… other will… will be here soon…" no, he wasn't going to surrender. This was just a game Shion was playing to humiliate Len. Yes, that was it. He wasn't going to be a victim to outside influence again. He refused-

"The other's won't come here. They left ages ago."

Without a shower…? Len felt his breath jump again. Shion's hands now rested on his hips; his fingers massaging them. "S-Senpai… we've gotta stop this," Len finally said, gripping Shion to push him away. "P-Please let go."

Something froze in Shion, and for a moment, they stood there under the cold spray, almost like if they were trying to catch their breath. For a minute, he felt Shion with draw into a hesitate position. He was debating, weighing his options. Len just knew it, and secretly hoped that Shion wouldn't move, despite his own protests.

However, Shion stepped away, letting Len go. Maybe it was shocked that caused Len's legs to give out, or maybe he really didn't have them stable yet. He couldn't be certain. "Sen…pai…" Len whispered, looking up. He almost expected a face filled with dark amusement, but instead he met a serious look. "…sen…"

"Do you want me, Len?"

Len blinked, then blinked again. Was he seriously… asking…? "…I…"

"Tell me now; if you don't, I'll walk away."

"And… if I tell you I do…?" Len asked nervously, breathlessly.

Shion smiled a knowing smile. That was all he needed to do to answer the question.

Taking a shaky breath, Len tried to answer but felt the words clog up. He couldn't speak, just couldn't.

"Len… do you want me?"

With no way to form words, Len nodded then turned his head away.

"Then let me do this."

Len didn't have any time to react. His ears caught the sound of a wet cloth hitting the floor just as Shion reached out, capturing Len's lips in his own. Everything was lost then, and Len couldn't help but reach towards Shion, wanting more. His right arm slipped over Shion's shoulder, settling on his back as his right hand slipped into Shion's hair, pulling closer, deeper into the kiss. He'd never been kissed, yet that didn't seem to matter. Shion pulled Len up against him, pressing their bodies against each other. Their chests together, Len could almost feel Shion's heart pounding against his own chest. Maybe it was his own heart? Maybe it was both? Then, the kiss broke. Len gasped for the air he desperately needed before he felt Shion's lips trace his neck. Unable to help himself, he arched his head back, exposing the virgin skin to the merciless lips that delicately licked and suckled. From his neck, the lips followed along a shoulder, down to the bare breast.

Unlike Shion who was fit, Len didn't show any signs of muscles form. Unlink Shion, he was perfectly flat. Some part of Len did feel slightly jealous, but he knew the reason for it. He knew all too well.

Maybe out of courtesy, Shion didn't hover there long, instead, he coaxed Len to lie down. Flat on the floor, Shion had an easier vantage to Len's stomach. It didn't take him long to work out there was one spot on the side that was sensitive. He teased the area, hearing Len's breath hick as he did. Then, he moved his lips along, skipping over the crotch and focusing immediately on his left thigh. It was sensitive here, but not as sensitive. By the time he finished his journey, he was delicately running his tongue just under the bone in his ankle.

Then, he stopped, looked up at Len for the first time since his venture. There Len lied, bare and exposed. The stall was just big enough for Len to almost lie down flat, with his legs lean up against the stall door, with his toes just peeking outside. He was shaking, the water pounding on his stomach, trickling down to the ground. It almost blurred his face, and clearly Shion didn't like that. He leaned forward, once against kissing Len's lips. As he did, he reached up, turning the cold water off so it no longer annoyed him. Then, he sat back, and looked.

To be honest, Len felt embarrassed with Shion assessing him. It almost made him want to recover his body, yet for some reason, he just let Shion look at him. Turning away, he just laid there, not sure what to do. It could end bad, or it could-

"Len, can I?"

Len jolted, turning his head back to Shion, back to where his hand hovered. Len wasn't sure what to say. "D-Do what?"

"Can I touch you here?"

Len stared at him, then as his face flushed red, he covered his face with his arm and nodded. He didn't want to watch. Didn't want to see what was going to happen. There was a moment where nothing happened, then Len felt the fingers brush him, then penetrate. It startled him, his body jolted with the connection, but he didn't look up. He kept his arms there and bit his lip. It shouldn't feel weird, he'd touched himself down there before; had massaged and played with it in order to relieve stress or just to satisfy his own needs. But it _did_ feel weird. It felt… weird yet… wonderful. Maybe sensing this, Shion pushed a second finger. _That_ actually hurt more than he thought, but it was dulled away as Shion thrust his fingers in and out, creating a sloppy sounding noise that made Len cringe. The room began to fill with that noise and his own breathing; slowing enticing a strange, pleasing feel and sound.

Almost as if he was sensing all this as well, Shion pushed his third finger. _That_ hurt even more, but with each thrust, the pleasure was fading, the pain burning. He went to reach out to stop Shion, but found his arm just flop beside him, his other hand clenched against his mouth, muffling his cries. The longer it went on, the more the feeling changed. A delicious sensation of pain and pleasure. His body arched up, feeling his stomach hurt; his body was just ready to explode. Each breath was accompanied by a shuddering breath and a moan of some sort. He was getting wetter with each thrust, feeling closer to a climax.

Then the world shattered into a white haze, his own cry distant as his body jolted. The thrusting didn't stop, the orgasm climbing higher and higher, rising him to a point he could no longer get higher, but just remain there. His hands balled up against his side, his body fought the pleasure at the same time to rip at it.

And for the first time in a while, Len heard Shion's voice. "That's it Len. Keep coming."

It was so dirty, yet the words pushed him closer to an edge. Everything focused on his breathing and the feeling of the fingers bringing him over the edge. Still caught up in his last orgasm, he felt his body hit another wave, and unable to hide anything, he let out a pleasure filled scream.

Then… everything stopped. The sensation in between his legs numbed, and the fingers withdrew, despite his own body's protest. Shaking, breathing heavily, Len tried to catch up with the present. Everything was numb and muted, and his eyes just didn't want to move past the white haze. His body was still convulsing; his legs trembled up against Shion. It felt forever before Len's body began to settle, the spasms slowing, though not completely going away. "…en…?"

Len tried to focus on the voice, and as he did, his eyes finally cleared. Shion was close, his hand gently brushing the side of his face. "…sen…pai…?"

Shion smiled softly, his eyes gentle. "Len, did that feel good?"

Len just nodded, trying to settle his breathing.

"Do you want more?" As a suggestion, Shion pressed his hips against Len.

Len tried to focus on Shion, but this time his vision…began…to…go…black…

* * *

Gakupo sat there, his face as red as Len's, who'd hidden his face in his hands. "Senpaaiiiiii!"

"I get it!" Gakupo coughed, taking a drink from his juice. "How… bad…?"

"Drenched, completely drenched. It almost looked like I'd wet the bed."

"Well shit, Len. Why didn't you come over this morning. I would have helped you cleaned it up, or taken Rin so she didn't have to witness anything."

"It doesn't change anything, Senpai. I literally orgasmed and messed my bed up. It was so damn real."

Gakupo just coughed. It was probably best he didn't say anything to that.

* * *

**A/N:** Before you all freak out and think I was being lazy and ended it quick, I'll let you know now that I planned on it being a dream. There is NO WAY they would have moved along that fast, otherwise there wouldn't be any more chapters. The idea was that Len was going to have a dream not just to show you guys he's serious, but to have an extra reason why in the next chapter he explodes. Besides, the real stuff isn't gonna happen for a while now xD


	4. Humiliated

**Summary: **Kagamine Len is a "freak". At least, that's what his parents say to him. He is at odds with his own gender identity, unsure if his a male, or if he's meant to be female. Everyone that should love him, treats him differently and shows no love, only regret in his "birth". Because of this, Len is so scared for anyone to find out what's wrong with him. So afraid he hasn't been able to make friends. He just doesn't want people to realise he's not like the other guys.

**Warnings: **BL aka Boys Love aka Yaoi. Transsexualism. Smut.

**A/N: **I was pretty worried about this chapter because I didn't make Kaito's friends vocaloid characters. They're OC's simply because I didn't want to limit the characters to just "vocaloids". Besides I already have plans for Miku, Meiko, Gumi and Luka in later chapters. This is the same day as chapter three, so don't freak out over what happens. If you were worked up over a dream, you'd be pretty snarly... right? ..._right_?

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Sighing on his way back to class, Len was trying to figure out what he was going to do. He swore that since this morning, he'd kept his eyes away from Shion-senpai, to the point he was particular avoiding him. Maybe Shion-senpai had noticed, maybe he hadn't… no, he definitely hadn't. After all, Shion-senpai was once again surrounded by people; laughing and joking like he always did.

Yawning, Len tried to push it out of his mind. As real as it felt, it had been a dream… a very _strange_ dream. It had been way too humiliating to think about, especially when Rin comment that her big brother wet the bed like she did. Maybe being young and naïve worked best in his favour; the last thing he wanted to explain to her why his bed was wet.

With a loud groan, he tried to shove that into the back of his mind as well. He was grown boy, fifteen years old to be exact, yet here he was, letting such little thing bother him. Since Len's eyes peered down at the floor, he hadn't be watching where he was going and slammed into someone's back, which made him drop to the floor as if he was dead weight. "Ouch!" Len whimpered, looking at his red hand before looking up to apologize. Instead, his face dropped and his voice vanished.

Shion-senpai looked down at him, his annoyed expression changed to one filled with concern when he realised who it was. "Len! Are you alright?" he held his hand out, offer to help Len up.

Len nodded, accepting the offered hand, fighting the blush that was beginning to bloom. "I-I'm sorry, Shion-senpai. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"No harm," Shion-senpai shrugged, frowning a little. "It was probably just as much my fault as yours. I'd just stopped dead in the middle of the hallway to answer a text," he stated, holding his mobile up to show Len. Some small part of him felt envious. Everyone had a mobile but him! _I can't afford it at the moment. It'll have to wait,_ he told himself firmly. Then, watching Shion-senpai for a minute he remembered the dream and couldn't fight the blush, which seemed to make Shion-senpai rather curious. "Is something wrong?"

"N-No! O-Of course not!" Len laughed nervously. It was way too obvious because Shion-senpai's face dropped, looking unnerved.

"If-" he began when out of nowhere, someone whacked him over the head, startling him.

"Shion, dude! I was looking for you!" a guy jumped him, laughing. "Where were you all this… time…" his eyes focused on Len, then gave Shion-senpai (who was still recovering from the blow to his head) a confused look.

"Dude, don't just hit me over the head out of nowhere; if you were anyone else, I'd have gut you, Hibiki" Shion-senpai said nastily, giving him a dark look.

Hibiki, one of the five that hung around Shion-senpai gave him a woeful look before turning his eyes back to Len. "Kagamine…chan, right?"

"Y-Yes," Len muttered, looking away from them.

"He's in our class right?" Hibiki asked, turning to Shion-senpai.

"Idiot, he sits behind you!" Shion-senpai snapped. "Are you really that dumb?"

"Oh…"

Len stood there, feeling all awkward as they argued about it. He was about to excuse himself when a girl appeared out of nowhere, slapping Hibiki over the head in annoyance. "Hibiki, you idiot!" She snapped. This was Aiko, another of Shion-senpai's crew. Len recognized her well since she sat next to him, but they'd never spoken. She seemed scary, bossy and dangerous, but the minute she saw Len, her eyes changed. "Len-kun! Good timing. Sensei said we are in the library for history. Just thought to mention it since no one else would have."

Ok, Len lied. They had spoken. It was normally passing on messages from the teachers like this, but that was about it. "T-Thanks."

"You're welcome!" She said cheerfully. Maybe she wasn't as bad as people made her out to be. Len wasn't so sure just yet, however. "Anyways, Baka-ekey! You're working with me!"(1)

"Why?!" Hibiki complained loudly.

"Because no one else will! Katsu is working with some other girl, and since Ryu and Chi are dating, _naturally_ they're working together. So you got stuck with me."

"What about Kaito?"

"Kaito's working with Len, right?" She said, smiling at Len who looked startled. "We pulled names out of the hat yesterday, remember, Baka-ekey! Len was late the other day, missed the bus right?" she winked at Len before continuing. "Since there were arguments about who was working with who; which is mainly Kaito's fault-"

"Oi" Shion-senpai growled out loudly.

Aiko just continued as if she hadn't heard him. "-because _all_ the girls, except Chi and I wanted to work with him. So, we drew names from a hat. Of course, sensei was smart enough to keep Ryu and Chi together, since if he ended up with any other girl, there would have been a blood bath. So, while _you_, Baka-ekey, was sleeping, I drew your name from the hat, and therefore, got stuck with you. Kaito pulled Len's name out and it was done deal. Of course, every girl is now devastated because they ain't working with Kaito. They'll live however."

Aiko grinned at Len, looking satisfied that she had delivered her message, even though it was a little late. Len just stared at her, his mind trying to process everything. He wasn't _that_ late to History that morning. Maybe ten minutes, at least. How did all that happen in _ten minutes_? He didn't bother questioning since Shion-senpai had nodded in agreement the whole time, except when she blamed it all on him, which had pissed him off. To be honest, he never thought Shion-senpai was the type of guy to get so irritated so quickly. He'd always thought senpai was a pretty calm, collected kind of guy. Maybe not?

"Anyways, off to the library!" Aiko grabbed Hibiki by the arm and began dragging him off in the opposite direction. Even after they disappeared, Len could still hear Hibiki's protests. _Poor guy_, Len sympathised, then glanced up at Shion-senpai, who was still looking down the hallways.

"I-I suppose we should move on too?" Len asked nervously, hating how Shion-senpai turned his whole attention on Len after he spoke.

"We probably should, or we'll be late."

* * *

"…So, have you decided?"

Len looked up from the book on his lap, staring at Shion-senpai who was scanning the webpage in front of him, scribbling down notes for their assignment. In the end, they choose to look at Greek Mythology, since everyone else was being a little be lazy and sticking to something with Japanese culture and history. Though a couple of other students did look at other things, most of the pages Len saw around on the computers were Japanese orientated. He wasn't sure what to say to Shion-senpai's comment, so he looked down at the page he had open, hoping Shion-senpai wouldn't press.

"Len?"

"Y-Yes…?"

"Did you think about it?"

Nope, no, absolutely _not_. He had too many other things on his mind, which he was still fighting to keep it out of his mind. "S-Sorry, I had… a busy night," Len answered, staring at the page until the words began to blur. When that happened, he began to violently rub at his eyes.

"So… you haven't decided?" Shion-senpai let out an exasperated sigh. Shion-senpai sat there for a moment before leaning back in his chair and staring at Len. "It's not hard to decide really? I mean, you don't have to be there the whole time. Besides, everyone going is from our class. There aren't any unfamiliar faces."

That wasn't true. He didn't _know_ the people in their class. He only just happen to recognize Aiko since she sat next to him, and Hibiki, since he slept in class all the time and was dense and annoying. However, Len didn't know anyone else. He didn't know the names of any of the students; didn't even know the names of Shion-senpai's other friends. That was how shut off he was to the rest of the class.

"I know you're not good around people, but don't you find it boring having no friends?"

_No friends…_ It almost felt like a kick in the nuts. It was took a lot of control not to raise his voice. "Just because _you_ sit in class during lunch doesn't mean you know _anything_ about me. I do have _friends_, just no one in _our_ class. And if you say you thought I went out to eat by myself then you are sadly mistaken. Just because you all have your own perfect families that make you all nice food, some of us don't have that luxury and have to buy something to eat," Len snapped, feeling bruised. Ok, for as long as he could remember, he never really had friends. But the fact that people _assumed_ he was a sore loser and a loner _really_ pissed him off.

_You can't trust anyone, after all. They're all the same. Two faced lairs._ Shion-senpai looked at him, surprised by the outburst before mumbling something that sounded like an apology but Len ignored it. "How do you expect people to understand when you don't give reasons?" Shion-senpai muttered, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Because I don't trust people, and I don't trust _you_ either," Len snapped. He turned away to focus on his reading. "Besides, why should I tell people about my personal life, it's not any of their business?"

"Did you know that when they were pulling names out of the hat, someone else got paired up with you," Shion-senpai answered, sounding annoyed. "That person said they didn't want to work with you because you were arrogant and hard to work with. You don't talk, you don't acknowledge people. Absolutely _no_ one wanted to work with you. That's why you're working with me, because I felt sorry for you. Maybe they weren't far off of what they said."

It was taking great effort to keep the tears down. Yeah, he figured as much. He knew it all too well that it was a coincidence. He wasn't that stupid. Didn't change the fact that it hurt to know the truth. "I don't care," Len answered, praying for his voice not to give away what he really felt. "It doesn't change that tonight you'll go home to a loving family and do whatever the fuck you want," he continued. "I'll go home to a destructive sister whose scared of every damn adult she sees because of the trauma she's experience. I go home to a sister who looks at me and remembers all the shit that happened before I asked to get removed from home. I go _home_ to a sister who thinks she is a freak because of our situation!" He hadn't realised he was shouting until he noticed everyone had stopped talking. Fine, he didn't _care_. "So go home Shion-_senpai_. Go home to a family that welcomes you with open arms. Go home to a family that will have your dinner ready. Go home knowing you have everything you damn well want. I don't care anymore, I just don't care." Len slammed the book to the floor, stood up and turned straight at Shion-senpai. "But don't you _dare_ judge me. If you fucking paid attention, you would have understood. But you don't. I'm _arrogant?_ Then if that's the case, you're fucking _ignorant!"_

And with that explosion, Len bolted from the room, ignoring his teacher who called after him. He couldn't handle this. _I thought you were different, senpai. Clearly I was wrong!_

* * *

Everything was so loud. There was yelling, people talking. For a long moment, Kaito sat there, feeling stupid. Why did he say something like that? He was better than this. Finally, he began to recognise what was going on. People were angry, saying horrible things about Kagamine-kun again. People were calling him spoiled and rotten. There were so many assumptions, so many harsh judgments. They shouldn't have been directed at Kagamine-kun… they should have been directed at him. It was his fault Kagamine-kun had exploded. It felt as if they were words Kagamine-kun had bottle up... and it was Kaito's fault he'd exploded.

Maybe sensing this, Ryunnosuke stood up, his presence was enough to silence the group. People normally did shut up around Ryunnosuke since he was equally quiet as he was scary. "A lot of you don't know this, but two years ago, Kagamine-san came into class with a black eye and bruises all over his arms. Kagamine-san moved out of home because his parents were abusive, and with him, he took his little sister," Ryunnosuke spoke in a very quiet yet dark voice. "Out of everyone here, I was the only one who went to Middle school and Junior High with him. I should know, because I saw what he was going through. I saw him on the worst days, and on the moderately good days. Do you want to know what a good day was for him? Having money to actually eat, clean clothes to wear that weren't covered in blood. Days where the only bruises he had were old bruises. _They_ were good days.

"Kagamine-san works to keep himself alive. Most days he doesn't go home until nine o'clock. His sister is home on her own for that whole time. Do you really think that he's spoilt now? Does spoilt involve being beat every night? No, it doesn't. When was the last time you saw Kagamine-san with a mobile? Never, because he doesn't have one. Has never had one. He doesn't have an mp3 or iPod. He doesn't have the gaming equipment. He doesn't even own a computer. How many of you could live like that? With nothing but what's on your backs? None of you. You wouldn't last _five minutes_ without it, without your Facebook and Twitter accounts. Without YouTube or whatever social media you use! None of you would _survive_."

And with that, Ryunnosuke walked from the room with Chiyoko trailing after him, squeaking something about waiting up for her. The whole room was silent. No one spoke, no one _dared_ speak. Not even the sensei who looked bruised. So, he knew about the abuse too?

Kaito jumped as someone rested their hand on his shoulder, and looked up to find Aiko there, tears gushing from his eyes. "I notice them… the bruises on his arms. They really light now, but they are there. Some look like large hand prints that had gripped him. I knew they were there…"

Kaito rested a hand on hers. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I should have said something sooner. I know where he goes for lunch. He goes to the roof, he meets up with a senior there. I've seen them before when I've had soccer practice. It's the only time I've seen him laugh and be happy, Kaito. The _only_ time. I should have jumped in sooner, but I couldn't. All I could do was watch him break." She closed her eyes, sniffling. "How cruel could we be?"

Kaito sat there, not sure what to do for a brief moment before he stood up, deciding he had to go find Len. He needed to apologize. He didn't utter a word to Aiko, but he didn't need to. She followed him out, with Hibiki and Katsurou right behind them. Only once they were some distance away did they hear chatter return to the room before people began filing out, some yelling to look in certain places before everyone moved off. _We're all responsible for this. He didn't shut us out, we shut him out because we didn't think we could handle him. We labelled him, yet didn't even try to get to know him. We just shut him out, excluded him from us._

_…__How cruel can we get?_

* * *

(1) I was trying to work out a bad nickname for Hibiki. However, instead of writing "iki" at the end of baka, I choose to write it how it would sound "e key". That's why it's Baka-ekey, and not Baka-iki (which didn't look as impressive haha).

Also, notice it's the only time I will used "baka". I'm trying to avoid using too many Japanese words in this, only using the Japanese honorifics such as "san" and "senpai", even "sensei". Why, because one I'm not Japanese, and two, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense adding in Japanese words at random because they "sound cool". Personally, I feel it's unprofessional, and since I am, in my free time, attempting to write a novel for publication, I am trying to keep as much of my narrative work as professional as possible. After all, practices makes perfect :)

Anyways, I am really worried about this chapter. It doesn't feel rushed does it? I really wanted something to happen that would make them both clash. It wasn't that Kaito was trying to be mean, it was because Len took it wrong. You could say they were words Len had bottled up for some time and because of one thing that happened and one word said, he exploded. I should know this... I'm a person who bottles everything up =.= trust me, it gets you no where fast. Anyways, there is this whole scene that is meant to happen straight after this, but I excluded it. The story isn't mainly told from Kaito's perspective, so I want to limit the time you hear his thoughts. I felt this scene with Kaito and his thoughts were important, so that was why it stayed. Look forward to the next chapter :)


	5. Verdict

**A/N: I am sick, _again =.= _my body just hates me. Anyways, chapter five is here. This chapter made me cry while writing it. It's hard writing scenes that relate to you in some shape or form. I won't get into the story about why (too long of a story), but this just moves me. At least, the beginning does... I don't know about everyone else tho :/**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

It was taking everything in Len to keep control of his emotions. Now that he was away from the situation, he felt completely embarrassed; he had no idea how he was going to face the class now. Right now, they were probably bitching about how much of an arsehole he was to their "precious" Shion-senpai, but he didn't care. He honestly thought Shion-senpai was better than that. Seriously had, but clearly he was wrong. He should have known better. Every person in this world were two-faces. They were all the same… we're all the same…

_"Life would have been better if you were never born!"_ was something his mother said frequently… all because he wasn't normal. Just because he wasn't like every other guy… _I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everyone and everything. Mother was right, life would have been so much better if I just disappeared._

He'd never seriously thought about suicide before, but he began to wonder what would happen if he threw himself off the school building. Gakupo would take care of Rin that he was sure of. Rin would never really understand why her brother would never come home. And everyone else? His parents would laugh, because that was the kind of people they were. His classmates? Well, why would they care? They didn't care beforehand, why should they care now?

All it took was some strength to climb the fence and jump. That was all-

_"KAITO!"_ a voice startled him out of his thoughts, and for a moment, he was unsure what had happened until a moment later when the door to the roof opened. Slowly turning, he could hear some yelling, but he realised someone had stepped out of the doorway and into the sunlight. Len just stared as Shion-senpai turned around, and flinched. Someone had clearly king-hit him from the bruise and blood dripping down the right side of his face. The bruise was so big it covered the whole cheek right from the bottom of his right eye down to his jaw. His lip was slightly cut, which was where the blood was dripping from.

It felt like forever they stood there, but then Len got the confidence to speak up. "Who… punched you?"

"Kamui-senpai," he answered flatly.

_How the hell…_? Len was kind of startled that Gakupo would do something like that. When Len had bolted out the door, Gakupo had been walking along the hall. He's ran straight into him, but had bolted before Gakupo got a word out of him. Clearly he followed Len this far. The only question was why Shion-senpai was here. "Why are you here?" Len snapped, once again feeling bruised. "Here to make _more_ fun at me?" He felt the tears beginning to gush again. _This is stupid_.

"Do you not see my face?" Shion-senpai answered, and though Len was expecting it to bitter, it wasn't. Len looked up again, staring at him. "How do you _think_ this happened?"

"You said Kamui-senpai punched you," Len whispered.

"But why do you think he did that?"

"I… don't know…" Len whispered.

"He did that because I said he could," Shion-senpai replied. The answer shocked Len, making him stared wide-eyed at him. He was about to ask why, but clearly Shion-senpai guessed the next word and continued on if Len had asked. "I told him he could, because I felt I deserved it. Of course, you can hear the yelling downstairs. Aiko, Hibiki and Katsurou are having a bitch fest at him while I'm here." He took a step forward, his expression changing to an apologetic look. "Len, I'm sorry. You're right, we were the ones placing labels on you when we shouldn't have. However, I do stand by what I said. If you don't tell us what's wrong, how are we meant to know? We're not mind readers, Len. We're human too," Shion-senpai said softly. "And we aren't as perfect as you make us out to be. Remember, I had cancer for two years. I was constantly reminded that I was going to die. Not just by the doctors, but my own parents had made up their mind and just assumed I was going to drop dead. They still do."

He should have remember that. They had been talking about it yesterday. Now Len just felt guilty. "I…"

"It's hard, Len. When you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, it's really hard to find your footing again. Ryunnosuke told us that your parents were abusive. You might not remember him, but he went to Junior High with you. He's also the only person who knew what was going on, I guess. He really shook us all up. After you bolted from the room, everyone was angry at you. They shouldn't have been angry with you, they should have been angry at me. I said stupid things without knowing the truth. I took the labels everyone else planted on you, _used them_ to humiliate you. They shouldn't have been angry with anyone but me. But they weren't. They were so damn angry that it pissed Ryunnosuke off. He's not a guy to get involved in things, but he shut the whole damn class and shook some sense into them. After we left, the whole class broke up to look for you." Shion-senpai sighed. "We're all the same Len. We all try to be perfect, but what do you know about your class mates? Would you have known Chiyoko's parents committed suicide two months from each other?"

Len shook his head. No he hadn't heard that.

"It was about four months ago now. Chiyoko lives with her uncle now. Hibiki doesn't have a father either. He dad was killed in a car accident. Aiko's mother miscarried five times, and her mother nearly died giving birth to her. Aiko was lucky to even be here, same with her mother. Ryunnosuke comes from a strained family. He doesn't get along with his father and lives with his mother's parent's." Shion-senpai watched Len, then moved forward. "Len, _no one_ is perfect. We all go through hardships in our lives. Some of us never really move on from those hardships, while others do. That's just life." He stopped in front of Len, who had shrunk into himself. "I wouldn't know this if they never told me. Do you think it was easy? No, it wasn't easy. Aiko balled her eyes out for an hour after telling me her story. Chiyoko did too. Hibiki, who's bloody loud, went silent. He lost his voice half way through telling me his story. Ryunnosuke, who doesn't normally get angry, got really angry and punch a hole in the wall while telling me. That's just how it is; and reality is, when we bottle things up, small things make us explode."

Looking away, Len nodded.

Shion-senpai sighed then sat down on the ground. "Did you know Japan is up there on the top of the list when it comes to suicide? Did you know most of the suicides that happen in Japan are from the male demographic? Did you know that the most common form of suicide here is throwing yourself in front of the train? I catch the train to school often, Len. The amount of times the train has stopped because of an accident or something just reminds me that every day, people take their own lives. It reminds me that some people are so deeply depressed and aren't being helped. No one is helping these people, and now days, we almost seem to tolerate the fact that people are killing themselves," Shion-senpai's voice went quiet for a moment, then he looked Len in the eye. "I almost attempted suicide myself. I thought if I was going to die anyway, it wouldn't matter. The only reason I'm here was because I scared myself out of it. I didn't _want_ to die. It's not easy to talk yourself out of taking your own life, Len. A lot of people don't. They just do it."

Len continued to stare, then looked away from him. "Did you assume I was…?"

"I didn't have to assume anything Len. I'm just telling you, that no matter how hard life is, it's not worth giving it up. You have a little sister, right?"

"…Yes…"

"How do you think she would have felt knowing her brother didn't come home tonight? She's only little right? How do you think things would have gone? Would your parents take her back?"

Len flinched, realising what he meant. That was right. The only reason he had Rin was because he was capable of taking care of her. If he were to die or something… Gakupo wouldn't be able to fight to keep her, she'd go back home and face the life he had… and end up doing the same thing he did years later. It was just enough to trigger a wave of emotions and tears. Shion-senpai was right…

"Len," Shion-senpai stood up and once he was on his feet, he pulled Len into a hug. "I am so sorry for what happened before. I stepped out of line and did something stupid that hurt your feelings. I just hope you can forgive me some day. If not today, then maybe someday in the future."

Could he forgive Shion-senpai? Since day one, Len had really come to like Shion-senpai. He just stood out, and became popular amongst the students in their class. Of course, outside of their class room, he was a nobody to the rest of the student body, but he didn't need that. He had people that depended on him… and who he could depend on. Len ended up mumbling something without much thought, but Shion-senpai clearly didn't hear him.

"Huh? What was that?"

"I…I don't own any bathers… so I don't have anything… for Saturday…"

For a moment, Shion-senpai was silent. And then, he laughed. "Well, why didn't you say something earlier, silly? If that was what you needed all along, you could have just asked me to help you find something."

"I wouldn't trust your fashion sense, Shion," a voice intruded. Len stepped away, wiped his eyes and looked as Shion-senpai's friends came up to the roof. "That last pair of bathers you brought had duckies on them."

"I didn't buy them! My grandmother did!" Shion-senpai protested, going bright red.

"Bullshit, you secretly think little duckies are cute," Aiko laughed loudly until she was practically crying.

"Damn it Aiko!" Shion-senpai yelled.

"Alright, alright," Aiko laughed. Sweeping past Shion-senpai, she came up behind Len, grinning brightly. "Anyway, Kaito. You have club this afternoon, while I don't. So, why don't I just take care of that matter since I have nothing on this afternoon? Besides, after today, I think you two need some space to cool off. There was a lot of tension, and there still is so let's leave it be for now, alright."

Somehow, Len felt Aiko was right. Everyone was on high alert, and if things did swell again, it would probably be between them. Shion-senpai must have clearly thought it through as well, sighed and gave up. Before Len even had a chance to explain he _could_ do that on his own, it was settled and the next thing he knew, Aiko was dragging him back downstairs, alone. Gakupo was clearly nowhere to be seen, so Len promised himself that he'll talk to Gakupo tonight and explain what actually happened. He wouldn't lie that the punch bothered him, but Shion-senpai _did_ deserve it, though not to that extent.

"I'm sorry." Len jumped, realising Aiko had spoken. "I should have intervened when Kaito mentioned about what happened when we had our names pulled out of the hat. I was going to say I'd partner up with you, but Kaito cut in before I had that chance. I told him not to say anything either, so I'm partly to blame for this."

"N-No… I needed to hear it," Len admitted. Maybe he'd been a little arrogant after all.

"No! What should have happened was the two-faced _bitch_ should have kept her trap shut and done the work. She actually brought it up because _she_ wanted to work with Kaito, and couldn't settle for the fact another girl was. Her words were 'Len is stupid and pathetic; he doesn't care about people. Why should I have to work with _him_ when _she_ gets to work is Shion-kun.' Those were her exact words, because all she wanted was Kaito. Funny thing was, Kaito said to me he'd rather eat shit than deal with her." Aiko laughed bitterly. "I hope she gets bitch slapped one day. In fact, I hope _I_'_m_ the one to slap her."

Len stopped walking, which made Aiko nearly slip, though she didn't complain. "You're just saying that."

"That's the thing, though Len. I'm not. This was what really happened," Aiko replied. "I'm not making it up. Kaito ended up settling the dispute by saying he'd work with you and the two girls could work together. As far as Kaito was concerned, _that_ was what he wanted. He's been trying to think of ways to integrate you into our class. He hates seeing you alone, and he's just worried. When he said he didn't believe you had friends, he genuinely meant that. He really _did_ think you were alone, and he hated that. He hated the fact you were an outcast and wanted to change that."

_"I know you're not good around people, but don't you find it boring having no friends?"_ That had been what he said. When Shion-senpai spoke those words, it was the final straw. He'd been so damn angry that he hadn't actually listened to how he said that. He didn't mean it nastily, little did he actually say it in a nasty way. He was being genuine about it, and if Len has just paid a little more attention, he would have seen the concern. No, he _had_ seen the concern. He'd mistaken it for pity. That was why it hurt so much.

"Len… what are you scared of?"

The question startled Len, and he found that Aiko had come up real close, and was now speaking quietly. It was almost as if she knew there was some big, dark secret Len was hiding. Of course, he wasn't going to tell her his reasons. He barely _knew_ her! Instead, he looked away.

"Are you scared of being rejected?"

Again, that startled him. How did she…? "I guess… I guess it is."

Her eyes saddened. "Ryu said your parents were abusive… are they the reason behind it?"

"…I guess…"

Then, she frowned. "Len…" they were silent. What more was there to say? Sighing, Aiko stepped away. "I'm being nosy, and I'm sorry. However, you shouldn't need to be scared to tell us what's up." She offered him a small smile. "We'll listen if you need us."

* * *

**A/N: I am team Aiko xD Aiko plays a HUGE part in the next few chapters, and she (and Hibiki later) are the more seen, more heard of the two as they are considered Kaito-san's best friends. I hope Aiko doesn't seem weird, or outrageous abnormal in personality or anything either, because she's going to be the first ice breaker in the group (and you'll see why in the next few chapters). Later on, she'll be refered to as Aiko-san, I just left it as Aiko for this one (too lazy to change it really haha)**

**Ryu's story changed in later chapters. Originally he was going to be adopted, but I changed my mind about that and changed it to that he has a rough relationship with his father. You'll see later on why I changed it (about chapter eight or so it is explained what Ryu's family situation is).**


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